When Anger eats up Desire
"I'm just feeling so much anger right now." My voice was flat, just as flat as my body currently felt during the joint sensual experience my lover and I were sharing. Well... flat except for the heated anger that was swimming just under my skin. It wasn't anger at anything or anyone specific, I wasn't feeling compelled to analyze it that deeply. It didn't need defining. It needed recognition, movement, and freedom. The silence in the bedroom seemed to thicken and scatter around my low proclamation, my lover still beside me as he waited for me to continue. Let's rewind a bit here though... We'd been making out, a naked tangle of arms and legs... Caressing each other in a sensual exploration that SHOULD have had my body melting. But instead, each touch served to irritate me... like a cat that only wants to be touched once or twice and then bites, I felt my hackles raising... Fire building, but not the warming, sensual kind. The burning, deadly kind. I pulled back from kissing my lover, needing the space to feel out the heaviness within... he paused. As I crawled around in my own skin, it felt like there was a wall of ice between us both. I couldn't FEEL him. Yes, he was there... I was there. We were physically touching, but only with bodies. That wall of ice was keeping us from touching emotionally... soulfully... And its existence was fuel to my inner dragoness fire of irritation. She wants all or nothing. I had a nagging suspicion it was MY wall of ice. But I wanted to reject that. To make it my lover's so I wouldn't have to do anything about it. Ahhhhhhh, conscious avoidance. "You ok?" My lover's voice penetrated my musings and inner dialogue with my personal side, my dragoness. I ignored him, leaning in to kiss him again. Seeking to pull him into me through my kiss... wanting to feel his intensity and arousal override the ice wall. And with each joining of our lips, more anger danced within me... My dragoness wanted to bite him. Hard. "Pay attention!" she roared, but to whom? Me? Marc? I nipped his lower lip lightly, feeling the effort it took not to bit harder. I felt myself wanting to growl and scratch... I pushed him back, straddling his body, biting down his neck this time, really getting a good one in on his shoulders... chomping a line from one side to the other, feeling no release from my frustration... Whoosh, more fire built! Again I bit his chest... realizing that as I bit, and the anger built in deeper intensity, I wanted to hit him too. I'd leaned up, settling my weight on his hips, glancing down at this man who likely had no concept of all the fire and shit raging through my body. I almost felt pity for him! A woman embodying her full emotion is a force to be reckoned with... an intimidating display of all her rawness that tends to light up warning bells in those nearby... even within herself. I took in a deep breath, rubbing my face in my hands in effort to gather myself. "Babe, are you ok?" Marc asked again. "No. I can't feel you." I rubbed my palm up and down on the centerline of his chest. "I feel like there's a wall of ice between us, and its pissing me off." His hands brushed up my thighs and hips. "Well I'm right here, I don't feel a wall." Damn... then it WAS my wall. I took another deep breath and in lieu of making him my punching bag, decided on a better idea. "What can I do to help?" He asked. "I'm just feeling so much anger right now." Back to the moment this story began... "I need to move this through and out of my body. Get up." I didn't ask. I swung off his body, grabbing my fav kratom salve (Muscle Rub by our very own Joanna of Dare to Dream Soaps and More). While he got up, I began massaging it into my pussy, because even though we'd been making out for a good bit, I was not wet at all. My anger and clusterfuckery of emotion getting in the way of my desired sexual aliveness. "I need you to slow fuck me from behind." I instructed, getting onto my hands and knees. Sexual reflexology time! The Liver zone holds anger, and is midway into the vaginal canal. Doggy is great for this, and can be really helpful in moments like these. Immediately as he slid in, everything hurt! From vulva to lungs, pain shot up like lightning bolts... more anger. The dragoness roared. "Fuck, that hurts! Be still, let me do it." I ordered again, his response fast as he stilled and pulled back. I slid off him almost completely, leaving just the tip of his cock between my pussy lips. Beginning slow circles from my hips, his cock became my own inner massage tool... spiraling, swirling, smoothing, freeing even more energy and emotion as I moved through the various reflex zones in my vaginal canal. My awareness of him faded as my own needs and emotions took front and center stage. I trusted him to speak up if he needed something, or got weirded out. He didn't. Deeeeeep breaths kept me in the thick of it, knowing that if I stuffed it down or shut it off, I'd be in a mess later. Knowing that letting Marc in on the mess was something he needed to feel, a chance to be a God-man in a way I usually handle by myself. More vulnerability for me for sure... He kept his hips still, his hands smoothing over my stomach, back, breasts, massaging my shoulders and kneading the tight muscles as I continued my slow circles and incremental acceptance of his cock. The anger intensified as I felt my whole being speaking up now that it had my attention. The urge to growl in ways humans simply don't... flexing my hands into the sheets like a cat digging in claws... letting my head drop heavily as Marc's shoulder massage sank in to aching tension. It took several minutes to feel the heaviness begin to shift... to find my emotional numbness to everything but anger begin to lighten as other subtle feelings drifted in and out. Those slow, expanding hip circles mirrored my breathing. My pelvic muscles finally surrendering and waking up from the same physical numbness that echoed my heart, the relaxing inner rub building into an intensity that filled every cell in my body, every breath, every thought, every sensation. And as I felt it, it began to soften... deepen... and underneath it was sorrow. I gave it free reign as well, coming up off my hands and leaning back into Marc's chest, both of us kneeling, him still inside me. He wrapped me in his arms, kissing the side of my face gently, my neck, whispering that I was beautiful... the sorrow swelled, busting over every nerve ending in a wave of coolness that danced from my head to my toes before blossoming intensely from vulva to cervix. I could have cried... could have screamed... could have beat on his chest and collapsed in on myself... instead I stayed quiet and in the flow. "Yesssss..." my inner dragoness began purring... more sensation returning, mind quieting, my primal body following the pattern it knows so well as it seeks healing and balance. I could take him in fully now, my hips alternating circles in both directions... swaying back and forth... and with the pain gone, I knew it was time to go deeper. I could feel my vaginal canal humming and at peace up until my lung and heart zone, there remained that wall of ice that I'd accepted was most definitely mine. And it was blocking me from the softest and most powerful parts of my sex and magic. "Lay down." My voice was softer, but raw... gritty in my throat as I pulled away from him, more than a little reluctantly as the shelter of his arms had felt soooo good. But I knew I wasn't done yet. He layed down and I reclaimed my place on top, facing him. I took him in every bit as slow as before, my body able to move more freely this way. The hip circles wider, my breathing deeper, my arms free to move instead of support. "What are you feeling now?" Marc asked, his hands taking up their slow stroking and smoothing over my body. "Sorrow." I breathed out the words, almost a whisper. My circles switching to sideways slides back and forth, the rest of my body finally unlocking and moving like a snake over and around him. I ran my palms over his chest, down his stomach, and over his thighs, using them to anchor me into a new movement pattern. "Why?" He gripped my hips to help me move deeper, revealing more pain was waiting around my cervix. "I don't have reasons, only sensations. And that fucking hurts into my lungs and ribs again." I breath/whispered again, lifting my body off a touch, settling back down and slipping back into that super slow, soft, spiraled rhythm. "Then don't go deep enough to hurt. We can do this all night until you're happy and feeling good again." God-man magic. The more vulnerable I am, the more he steps up into his power to support me. I forget that easy, being so self sufficient, it's a needed reminder... "How are you feeling?" I ask, only now really remembering there are TWO of us in this experience. He pulls me down for a kiss... "Peaceful, happy, connected, glad I can be here for you and you're not shutting me out." Revealing his own vulnerability in exchange for mine... fear of isolation and rejection. Its humbling to see, feel, and taste the exchange of real sharing of between two people in acts of intimate connection. With this knowing, I feel my body gently unlocking those last areas, the ice finally falling away. I take back up my circles, adding in a short back and forth grinding to work free the last sensitivity around my cervix, breathing long and deep, eyes closed as I feel that familiar envelopment of my sex energy potent and swirling around me. Its velvety and rich texture my home. With that final activation, I feel full sensation return to my vaginal canal, the slide and press of Marc's cock felt all the way through. "Finally..." My dragoness purrs again. "You've arrived." And I did. I was fully back in my body, my mind gently aware from the sidelines instead of the front and center stage. My face was soft, my body soft, my emotions peaceful, pleasure dancing through my veins once again. "Holy fuck, you feel incredible!" Marc gripped my hips and rocked me deep, the head of his cock flipping back and forth over my cervix as he filled me fully, finally without pain. My pussy melted around him, my wetness creating a slip and slide over his stomach and thighs that felt incredible to grind on... The relief and lightness that flooded my senses was potent... orgasmic sensation building and sweeping in gentle waves... the emotional intensity shifting to playful connection as we spent the next bit of time enjoying each other until I was too dizzy to stay upright. I told Marc to take over and flopped onto my back, fully surrendering to his power as we played again until we both were unable to go any longer... Sweaty, breathless, and well unraveled, we remained tangled into sleep, Marc whispering that he'd happily be my Medicine Cock every night if I'd be game for it... 🐉🔥😻🥰💋 What if your raw emotions could be the gateway to soul sex and connection? Have you experienced sex medicine yet? Would you like to? We should talk. 😘
Tabitha Jester is a Primal Pleasure Activator helping women reconnect with their innate erotic nature by healing sexual shutdown, shame, and dysfunction through a merging of science, body wisdom, and holistic healing practices for a sustainable and firey sexual reclamation!
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