The Subconscious Side of Sexuality and Intimacy
"I don't know how to tell my lover what I want...
I feel like he'll just ignore me anyway... So why bother saying anything at all?" Her voice was defeated, her shoulders slumped and hard as her body expressed the heavy tension coiled within. "It's always been my experience with men. They want sex, but it's always on their terms, for their pleasure. So why voice mine?"
"But is it?" I nudged, knowing what sits on the surface is often nothing compared to what's really underneath. "Have you ever truly had a blunt, open conversation about this?
Have you let yourself be vulnerable enough to share this?"
"Well... No. But he never asks me what I want! So that means he doesn't want to know." She resisted.
"So you've never given him the chance to hear your desires, you've never voiced them, but you know he doesn't give a flying fuck, right?" I chuckled. "Makes sense..." She caught my teasing and I saw her shift and soften.
"Ok... I get what you're saying... But I've always felt like I'd get turned down if I ever shared them." She picked at her shirt absently.
"Where's the proof?" I dug in a little.
"My whole life!" She laughed and proceeded to rattle off a list of all the ways she's felt invisible, rejected, and like the last priority to the people in her life. Basically, her whole nervous system, belief system, and habit system was conditioned by this message.
As a result, she felt like no one gave a shit, so why try? Why move through the comfort of smallness and silence to move through the pain of vocalizing and expanding into the world for possible rejection?
This is a place we find ourselves at many times in life... And we have two choices. Stay small. Or expand.
"You realize you're sabotaging the very thing you crave. right?" I asked softly, letting the weight of it sink in. "Your lover, your friends, your family, they'll never get a chance to possibly meet and exceed your desires if they never know them."
"But they'll also never get the chance to reject me..." Her brave smile wavered as tears filled her eyes.
Her fear, her desire to avoid rejection... isn't that within us all?
As a Legendary Love & Primal Pleasure Activator, I have many clients with deep rooted fears and lifetimes of proof keeping them from reaching out and grabbing onto the very things they crave with an ache that sets their soul on fire!
Most of these sabotaging pleasure blockers sit in our SUBCONSCIOUS memories, beliefs, and feelings. That's why they feel so fucking unshakable! That's why it seems like they truly control everything.
Because they sort of DO.
That's also why when we come at these problems with a logical/conscious mind, we can talk ourselves blue in the face, but rarely do we get the powerful and lasting shift we're looking for.
I'm mean, honestly… our conscious mind is only functioning about 5% of the time, so if we are only CONSCIOUSLY trying to change and heal the issues in our lives and our relationships, we're only going to get 5% success! 🤤
Fuck me, right?
No… it's shift-able! We've just got to get into that other 95% of life altering power!
Yes, I hear your thoughts from here... "That's nice and all, Tabitha, but HOW?"
It All Starts On The Inside
It takes a raw, vulnerable, and willing soul to dare peek into that deep, dark abyss of the mind...
To step into worlds of emotion, sensation, activation, and reactivity to muck through the mess and find the magic!
But my wonderful friends, that's exactly where the magic sits.
So here's what I'd love for you to do!
Set aside a few minutes to turn off all distractions, grab a pen and paper, and start sinking into your OWN beliefs, memories, and feelings about your sexuality and sensuality.