“Do you want it or not!?” The Struggle To Receive Your Desires With Money, Love, & Life

I imagine the Cosmic Abyss tosses its hands up in the air regularly saying, "Do you want it or not!?", frustrated and at its wits end with my mixed signals.

“Why?” curious minds may inquire. Hopefully, yours is one of those, 'cause you’re about to get a page full!

In short? I’ve realized through much self-observation, that I have a super powerful habit of manifesting things…

*wait for it…*

And then NOT receiving them. I'll just shut them down as they show up.

Yeah. Sounds kinda dumb, right? It is. What brought this self-realization about?

Money and Sex.

My relationship with Money has been deeply dysfunctional in past years, and not at all evolved and dreamy like I'd wanted it to be.

I took the months to REALLY dig in and set the “reset” button back to steamy, abundant, financial flow and it was such an eye opening journey!

You’ve likely heard me say this before, but the way we show up in ONE area of our lives is the way we show up in ALL of them.

So if I was this dysfunctional and unreceptive with Money, it’s likely to show up in other areas as well. And when I was writing one of my erotica stories over the summer or 2020, I got a clear view of this joint issue between Sex and Money.

“Marc returned looking like a giddy kid trying to hide his excitement to not look over-eager, but he didn’t fool me. And I loved that he was this into it!

The candlelight and music set the tone as he whipped off his clothing with no ceremony to be had, jumping onto the center of the bed like he was leaping into a pool of water. I inwardly groaned… he’s so unlike me, often opting for humor over seduction.

He flopped onto his back, starfishing out and saying “I’m ready!” with his eyes closed and a grin on his face. I was quickly struck with another observable difference between the two of us and this one gave me pause.

Marc receives with ZERO resistance. If he wants something and it’s made available to him, he takes it with no hesitation, question, or refusal to be found.

Me on the other hand? I often fight tooth and nail NOT to receive, even when I’ve directly asked for what I want. Instead, I'm plagued with questions of my worth, my inconvenience to others, guilt at getting what I want, and even shame when my desires try to find a home with me. Obviously, they don't stay long... I don't let them past the door."

My tendency (as shown in the full story) was to fight receiving pleasure and my desires in the bedroom. Ringing a bell, right? Hello, Money rejection!

One of my favorite manifestation processes (I teach this in Sensual Self Mastery Foundations) has a 5 level activation exercise. It’s SUPER juicy and always turns me on!

Each of the 5 levels holds sensory cues, verbal cues, physical movement, and emotional activations that help me call in what I was aching for. It also contains proof signals that I’d watch out for as positive affirmations that my magic has been heard.

So I’d been doing my magic-making on the daily, and it’d been maybeeeeee two, three weeks since I'd started.

I was seeing signs of forward movement, and it was getting pretty sexy!!!

And then I got hit with a whammy… A huge and unexpected bill with a very short payment due date.

OUCH!

That was all it took to shift my positive proof gathering to negative proof gathering.

I started making a super huge case for all the ways this manifestation wasn’t working for me.

Telling myself old and long-outdated stories about my worth, my importance, my ability to create my dreams, etc.

It got messy, my loves.

Marc noti